Just know though, self love guides your success.
Join Jennifer and I as we talk about how habits can hinder your growth or birth your success. Jennifer shares her story of choosing accountability. How important it is to allow herself to feel emotions and release them. We share our thoughts on gym culture, fighting comparison, social detox and more!
Support Jennifer:
No Cap Pastries
References:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz
Just Know Though Podcast provides an open space to discuss mental health, some episodes contains depression and past trauma which are not to draw attention to the guest, but rather express the painful thoughts that one may experience. To highlight the tremendous journey, and potential power one possesses to overcome battles. To encourage support and grace because it is more common than we think. If you or someone you know needs assistance, please text or call the numbers below. Most importantly reach out to them and let them know they matter and that you care and then listen.
Just know though, self love guides your success.
Join Jennifer and I as we talk about how habits can hinder your growth or birth your success. Jennifer shares her story of choosing accountability. How important it is to allow herself to feel emotions and release them. We share our thoughts on gym culture, fighting comparison, social detox and more!
Support Jennifer:
No Cap Pastries
References:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz
Just Know Though Podcast provides an open space to discuss mental health, some episodes contains depression and past trauma which are not to draw attention to the guest, but rather express the painful thoughts that one may experience. To highlight the tremendous journey, and potential power one possesses to overcome battles. To encourage support and grace because it is more common than we think. If you or someone you know needs assistance, please text or call the numbers below. Most importantly reach out to them and let them know they matter and that you care and then listen.
think especially for people who come from families with immigrants, I feel like we're taught to be strong since we come out the womb. All right. Welcome or welcome back to just know though podcast. We are starting our new series discipline over distractions and I feel like this series is really just to talk about when you're focusing on your goals how to eliminate fears and doubts and so the goal of each guest is to encourage others to Talk about distractions, discouragement while pursuing goals and we have a special guest today and we go back. Jennifer, another Jennifer. Jennifer is here with us today and I'm really excited. She's always been super positive and calm and it's been really encouraging seeing her journey. On Instagram and stuff like that. Without further ado, Jennifer is, a part time baker a financier, an encourager, a dreamer, an advocate for rest and positivity, and I'm really excited for her to be here with us today. Jennifer, is there anything else you want to share with the audience before we get started? No, I'm just really excited to be here. I'm really excited to share my experience through this journey and help out or encourage anyone that may need it as well. Yes, and I always go into each episode thinking about doing it for the one. We do it for the one person and the one person matters. At the day so if anything, you're also helping me, so I also need to get back into the gym and, we're going to talk about it later, but like about gym culture, getting outside of your comfort zone. So I'm excited to dive into that. Before diving in, what were your initial thoughts when you heard about this series Discipline Over Distractions? Honestly once you reached out to me I expressed my excitement for this because I told you it's something that. I've been working on actually for quite some time and just, something that I've really wanted to do is focus on discipline because through building habits, that's something that I realized I've had to work on in order to keep myself really focused, I've been doing pretty well, and I just think that it's Really fitting. And you're being so modest. Building habits is really hard. Yes So use you skim over it like I want to build habits building habits is so stinking hard especially if It's new to you and you're learning for the first time. So I guess what are your thoughts on that? Yes so something I really wanted to mention because I was like, I don't know where to start I know I need to build better habits. Where do I start? So I'm an avid book reader. I love self help books I love podcasts. I love hearings people's Stories or their opinions on things because it gives you perspective that maybe you didn't know you had, or that was possible. A book that really helped me was Atomic Habits. By James Clear, and it focused on some really good points. I'm gonna name five major things that help me from the book. And one of them is fall in love with boredom because a lot of times, changes seem so small, but they add up with time. They make you like that 1 percent better each day. If it's something so minimal, it just, it adds up with time. Also you have to trust the process. That's a major one. We get so focused on not being where we want to be, but you have to trust the process. You have to believe in yourself, and you have to know that you'll get there eventually. You just. Need to be patient as well. So another one, it's you are what you do and This is like a major one for me because it. Everybody is like their own individual. Everybody has their own struggles. Everybody works differently. So a big one for me was disciplined people design their environment that works for them. And this is very true because you have to build in a way that it works for you because What may work for me may not work for you, you have to like really come to terms with that Because you might see someone, you know doing very well in doing something a certain way But it doesn't work for you because it doesn't work with the time you have it doesn't work with you know How you are because you're you know, your personality matters as well like the way you take things in and all of that so keeping that in mind and another major one is Start with repetition, not perfection. That's major because I'm such a perfectionist. It's it's a flaw. I've been working on that as well. So just really keeping in mind that, it's that consistency of doing a get, getting up every day and doing it. And just being proud of yourself for doing it, even if it's not your best, you did it and you like you made it through there, so that's, those are like five key things from that book that really helped me push through building habits, and it's just like small little habits. I think a big one would be, not using your phone at night because that's in our times, it's really easy to just be on your phone before bed and stuff like that, so I've I plug in my phone far away and that's I feel like that's a big habit, but, it could be small for someone, I will say that there are times where I have too much screen time before bed. And I wake up tired the next morning. So it is a big deal to, to sleep with your phone. further away. I tried doing that one time. I'm putting myself on blast. I was like, no, let me go ahead and put it in a closer outlet. I didn't want it too far. So it's not a, it's not a small habit. I would say that's pretty big. I ended up having it closer. Yes, I do think we're so used to having our phone at any given time, and if you put it further away and it's already late at night and you're tired, you're like less likely to get up and get it. I don't know, if you're really tired, because I don't know, you might be like, I'll just go get it. It's so easy to do that too. Yes, it's a practicing that willpower. No, I like that. And thank you for giving us the breakdown on the book that is on my reading list. I even, I might have it actually, but I just have not read it yet. Oh, nice. I even have it on my phone, like it's such a good book. I love it so much. I think I've read it twice. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. Good plug. Thank you. I love that you're an avid reader. It's helped me a lot, actually. Good. Yeah, I don't think I enjoyed reading until I got older. Were you always into it? No. Okay. No, I can agree with that. I guess we can segue now into social media because you talked about the phone. And so from your experience, what do you think are common distractions when it comes to holding your vision to pursue your goals? I think sometimes because everything in social media is so accessible, so I feel like a lot of times that's where that comparison comes into play and it tarnishes what you have in mind and you start wanting to change what you already envisioned. So you have to really keep in mind what you want out of it and really Focus on the reason you're doing it and what you're wanting to accomplish from it a lot of times when we see, I don't know what others do, it's, human nature to compare yourself and in a sense, wanting to do the same thing, or it may tarnish what you initially wanted to accomplish or change The course of what your dream is, essentially, and just keeping in mind why you started in the first place and just being realistic with yourself and staying on track on why you're doing it yourself and not. Using that comparison because I feel like a lot of times with social media. That's what it is it's a lot of comparison. Like what is the next person doing when the focus should just solely be on yourself I'm, so glad you touched on that because Like you said it is human nature. It's human nature and You said this word that really stuck with me, you said tarnish. I don't know, I don't hear that word often, right? I'm thinking about like when you have like jewelry and it tarnishes, right? And it's not bad, you can still wear it, but it's not what it used to be. I always think of a stain on your shirt, how it's there. It bothers you. It's a change that happened. But, A blemish. Yeah. Okay. A little blemish, yeah. Yeah, but I think a lot of people can get into that trap and then you end up having everyone doing the same thing. When you said earlier that your personality matters. Let's get into that a little bit. I know we're getting off track, but I want to go there. Because what you're saying is to make sure that you're being authentic to you and what you want, right? And you said something in your preform. You said we need to keep in mind that other people's successes or accomplishments should have nothing to do with ours. And even I needed to hear that. So how would you stay focused on being authentic in yourself when there is these distractions happening? It I want to go back to my point of really being true to your you're remaining authentic to yourself. So you've got to be realistic and, just realize why you're doing it and why you started and the goal you want to reach. It's because you want to achieve. It's not somebody else's dream. It's your dream. you really need to remember your your dream, and like, why you're doing it, and it's, because it's about you, essentially. It's not about everybody else. It's about you, and your wants and your needs. Yeah, and I think a lot of the times With social media. It's hard to keep the originality right because everyone looks the same. Oh My gosh, that hurts my own feelings. But do you know what I mean? Yes, but it's true so staying authentic keeping the originality And let me take it a bit further. When you are doing your own thing and I'm sure you've experienced this in cookies, in your baking, in, in gym, in work, where you know that you, what you're doing may not look like everybody else's. And like you said, like you might have an urge. To change what you're doing. So how do you stay focused on what you're doing? And it might be habits, right? Where if you don't go on social media or it might just be like unfollowing people or what are your thoughts? what are your habits that you or you're thinking that you stick to? I'm glad you brought that up that is like a really good point and something that I've needed to learn while in my gym journey really and in my fitness journey and actually in my business with my cookies I'll start with the gym, for example, it goes back to the whole thing with your personality doing what works for you. So I have my own goals when it comes to it. I am trying to be, leaner and I'm trying to build lean muscle and I'm trying to get my body fat percentage down. And I'm sure that not everybody's in the gym for that, some people are trying to gain weight. Some people are trying to they're bulking. They're not going for a lean physique. We each have very different goals, so the workouts are going to be different. The way you eat, your diet's going to be different. So you can't compare oh they're having this, and I'm having this. It's because you're doing what works for you, and also with my cookie business there's so many different varieties of cookies, and I've learned. Through messing up and even through experimenting on how things can also be grander than you can think, just for allowing yourself that open space to learn because. I feel like you're always learning. Going back to the whole like, comparison thing. There's different types of cookies, obviously. I know that I make my cookies a certain way, but I know that they're good and the people, that have had my cookies, they enjoy it. I, that's good for me. I don't feel like I need to be like she makes her cookies so much thicker. I need to work on doing my dough thicker, stuff like that. As a baker that's where that kind of comes into play. So it's just really... Not trying to change my recipe the to Be the same as everybody else's if anything. I want it to be different or my own So you just got to make it your own you got to own it. Amen. Yes Advice for anyone that needs to own it and hasn't gotten there yet. They're you know on the fence because you're right like once you own it Like you said I know my cookies are good and people tell me my cookies are good, where you're not looking for the outside validation as much because you're like, I know my recipe. I know it works and because you know that it works for you, you're able to be more creative in the ways that fit your creativity, not someone else's creativity. But that's really hard, like mentally to it's like a pathway, right? You could easily go down a path or want to take a right turn, but A lot of people I think are on the cuff, especially when they're just starting out. Something that I feel like has helped me I've gone to therapy and I feel like it's been so useful for me because I've found out things about myself that, I didn't know. And that's why I I'm working on things because you have to be. Able to keep it real with yourself because nobody else is going to do it for you. And you gotta check yourself because who else is going to do it? It's going to be you're doing this for you. And this is, it's about you. Like ultimately this whole thing. And so going back to the therapy, I had to learn to embrace myself and stop looking for that outer validation because of the person that I am, for example I'm a friendly person and not everybody's going to like you. And that doesn't mean that. Because they don't like me, I'm not friendly. I don't really internalize anybody else's opinions of me because I know myself. Really getting to know yourself the deep ends of yourself is really important. I'm saying the good, the bad, literally all of you, and embrace it. And you're gonna take the good with the bad. And whatever you feel like you don't like or you feel like needs work, then you work on that and you become better. So that's what helped me get to where I'm at is, it's really finding that deeper self growth. Like yourself, the deeper part of yourself. Yes, I love that. And you're right, I think, how can someone have an authentic dream if they don't know all the deepest parts of themself, right? Because they don't know what dreams they were like, subconsciously rejecting. For the ones that were shut down before and they never pursued them, so yeah, I love that you brought that up. You really have to have a solid foundation and who you are, or else you're gonna blow with the wind. I guess you could say, you better know yourself. It's just, I think that's very central and people don't as a business owner, my main focus is. Obviously I want my business to do well, but that's not my main focus. My main focus is me because without me doing well, the business won't do well. So I have to give myself that time. I have to give myself that space to, to show myself love and appreciation and encouragement. Talking like a women entrepreneur right now. That's the mindset. Yes. No, I love that. It's courageous really I say it's courageous because a lot of the times people have the idea to constantly push and that if they take time to themselves, it's a weakness. So I love that you said that because it's not a weakness, right? Because without you, it's not going to work out, right? That's how you make room for error, whether it's internal or external. It brings me back to the point of kind of being able to call yourself out because if you're really tired, you're not going to perform. For example, me, I need to get my rest and I need to be sure I'm good. to bake my cookies in a happy environment. Otherwise I feel like it doesn't come out how I would like it to. And that's because I'm not in the right mindset. But if you give yourself that, space where you can rest, and you're not so hard on yourself, constantly working, you actually perform better and your work comes out better. So you win in the long run, like you're rested, and you're still doing well. With your business. Yeah. That's so good. I think that there has to be a shift in, in the entrepreneur mindset, I guess you could say. Because when you, what do you see, I say this because what on Instagram is just the progress, the good progress. You don't see the rest days. So I love how you mentioned that because those things you don't see, but they're super important. And it's not like something, I do put out there like what I could share, but obviously if I fell at something, I'm not going to be advertising, Hey guys, I failed. This is, like it's not something you're really proud of, but if you sit with those feelings, you're able to allow yourself that space to feel that. Kind of roll with the process you're gonna do fine. Everything's gonna be fine yeah, I think we have to Accept mistakes along the way All right, you want to stand on topic before we hop into the next question? It does bring me into another book that I wanted to share that ties into this a little bit. It's called The Four Agreements. I don't know if you've heard I have not read it. It's such a good book as well. I literally, I'm going to share The Four Agreements, literally, and I'm going to read to you what they are. so it's going to be like a small little description. Okay, one of them is be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity, say only what you mean, avoid using words to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word to offer love, never to use it. to cause fear or pain in another or yourself. And then the other one is don't take anything personally. And this is like a major one, I think, especially in our times, because we tend to take things very personal. And a lot of times, like We don't know what somebody else is going through. It's a lot of times when people are negative, it's a reflection of how they feel of themselves, so just really learning to not take things personal and not make it about yourself is really helpful because it's not always about you. When it comes to those negative feelings that sometimes you feel from someone. So just keeping that in mind. Another one is don't make assumptions. It says find the quiet courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstanding, sadness, and drama. So just communicate, that's where that comes in. And it's don't make assumptions. If you feel like something is not being interpreted as you would like, then say that. Being able to speak out on how you feel, is very good. And it's healthy. A lot of times people see it as confrontational and I just don't think so. We also have to learn to be open to others opinions, that's where that comes in as well. And then the last one is, always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self judgment, self abuse, and regret. And that's so important because like I said, it also turns into the other book of doing one percent better each day. It may not always be your best, but you did that one percent. Because you tried, so it's just like keeping that in mind. So I just really wanted to share that book as well because I think it's really helpful and puts things into perspective. Yeah, I love that. I love when people give the highlights of a book. Because then it makes you want to buy the book. It's so different when you actually it's like a bestseller or it's really popular Oh, this is book was so helpful, but it's so different when you hear someone's perspective and how impacted them So it has been on my list. So thank you for giving the breakdown of that I wanted to mention, like we're talking about being your authentic self and embracing that. So I just want to mention how these books helped me personally on my path. They can help you in different ways. You can interpret it in different ways because it's good. You're going to take what you need from it. So just like I took what I needed from it. Your experience might be different with it and you might get, other points out of it that I didn't because they weren't highlighted to me because it's different from what I'm going through, Thank you. Yes. Now that makes, thank you for always putting that disclaimer. I love that. Okay. So I know you're really into the constant learning. So always learning about yourself. Is there anything else on how you would stay focused on the process and embracing it that we didn't touch on? I'm a visual person, like I mentioned in the forum, so I created a poster of my dreams. I have a separate one for my business, as far as Oh, nice! Yeah, I have my business one and I don't know if it's because I grew up in school, When we used to do these poster boards, it was just something that I, it stayed with me and I liked it. So it's also fun for me because I'm putting together, I'm creating a board. But also, each piece it's like a thought process going into it because it's part of my dream, so each thing that I put on there is very thought out and seeing it visually just encourages me more because it gets me like excited. I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get there. Just keeping in mind too that you can have big dreams, but you also have to be realistic with what you can accomplish You know what I'm saying? Like you can be a big dreamer, a big believer But you also have to take the steps to get there. Yeah, it's it does not happen overnight and just Remembering where you want to be in the future, like where you want to see yourself so as far as My business I have that poster and then I have my journal I don't really have a poster for say like for my personal life But I keep it more in a journal and I just speak about what I want to accomplish out of my life things of that sort. I love that you are a visual person, you know I tried to do a board and I did not commit to it So maybe I'll try to do a board again How long have you had the board for? So it's actually something that it's recent. I just started it this year and it's. I didn't give myself like a deadline for it because it's something I'm working on and it shouldn't have a due date for it, and yeah, and I still, I can add things and I can change things. And I say that because life is tough. Sometimes things happen and it shifts the direction of your path and you just have to improvise and finding ways to make it work when you can. Can't really see it working, if that makes sense, so pushing through like these obstacles that come along with your vision is really helpful because it also teaches you things along the way, and in a sense, it's better that it happened early on in your whole Your journey, because you learn and then you're able to see how you can overcome it, for the future. It just makes you a stronger person as well. Because I think it's so different. And you talked about a journal as well. It's so different when you think things through and put it to paper. There's this study where it says when you actually write down your goals, you have a higher chance of attaining that versus just letting it swim in your head, right? And when you are trying to stay focused on following your blueprint, you talked about visuals. Getting to know yourself is super important. And I want to you talk about on your preform being grateful for progress and being gentle with yourself. And you said something that I loved, you said, I didn't give myself a deadline, because it's yours. And I think a lot of the times, especially with social media, and even just if you have a harsh inner critic, we tend to give ourselves deadlines. So any thoughts on that? Yes it's so true. I can admit that I am. I think everyone in general is their self's toughest critic, but learning to also go easy on yourself has helped. That's something I've had to learn as well. And it comes with self love. It's not easy. Because you, and especially like having that and being a perfectionist, you're just like hard on yourself pretty much 24 seven. So just really finding that balance into once again, like taking the good with the bad and learning that, sometimes. How I mentioned earlier being able to allow yourself that space to feel your feelings and Not being so hard on yourself because it's important It takes me back to the point of you got to be okay in order to achieve this, Like you have to be good in order to run your business. You have to be good in order to Perform how you want. So you want to perform a certain way. So just keeping in mind that you need to be gentle and you need to appreciate the progress that you've made and what it's taken to get there. It's hard work to consistently do something and keep up with it. It's very important to show yourself some gratitude because it's You need it from yourself, and that also helps with that need of needing outside validation. You need to validate yourself, your emotions, everything as a whole. I think it's just very important. Yeah. And you said in your preform self love is needed to guide you to your success. Yes, and that's major. Yeah, I loved reading that because it is gonna be your guide, right? If you don't love yourself, then, yeah, it's gonna veer you off to a different way. Yeah, and then it just because when you learn to love yourself, you learn to embrace yourself, you learn to love the parts of you that you don't love so much, you learn, it just ties in with being able to embrace yourself as a whole, because you really do have to be your own biggest fan, and your biggest supporter, because you're the one doing this. So I just always am very mindful of that. I just find it really important. What advice would you give to others who need to practice gentleness during the process? Cause it is a big deal. I also have to do this too with like work when I make mistakes, right? When I don't put out something that I completely like, but I have to remember to be gentle with myself. And it goes back to what you're saying with that four agreements. Because then if you're not gentle with yourself and you end up doing a negative self talk and really like self abuse Gentleness is a lot of people, I feel have to learn it. It's almost like this world taught you how to be harsh. what advice would you give to practice gentleness? I think especially for people who come from families with immigrants, I feel like we're taught to be strong since we come out the womb. I really do feel that way. Yes, girl. It's just, for everything you have to be strong. Like, why are you crying? Why are stuff like that. It's not that big deal, but it's I'm five and this made me cry, so Let me cry. Yes. Yes. Oh my gosh, my inner child right now is just like it's true. Yeah, and it's just like that toxic System we grew up in so Just stepping out of that and realizing that it's okay to sometimes feel negative emotions. It's allowing yourself that space to feel these negative things. And, but also it brings me back to what I mentioned. I believe it was in the form about. Being able to sit with those feelings, but also releasing them and something that's helped me with those like negative Feelings or being in a negative headspace has been meditation. It has been something really major and it's something I do at night Just to release if I feel any negative emotions, it helps me sleep better at night So I'm not thinking about stuff that I really shouldn't allow to hinder my rest hinder my rest, because I've grown to be very mindful of myself and my needs. So just realizing that, once again, we are human. We do feel negative emotions. It's not always positive. Because if we're always positive too it's not realistic, it's, you can see the positive in things, but like remaining to the point where you don't allow yourself that space to feel negative emotions and release them. Pretty much allowing yourself that space and then just being able to release it, not just sitting and allowing those feelings to linger is very important as well because that's also unhealthy, you have to be able to release that and then also comes into play with the I feel like holding grudges. I can't do it. For the life of me, I was talking to my therapist about it, and I was like, I can't hold grudges. Is there something wrong with me? She's like, why would you want to hold grudges? I'm just I just forgive so easily. It doesn't bother me. Internally, I just can let things go. That's a strength, girl. Tell you. So if you have a sweet tooth, feel free to follow me at NoCapPastries. That's N O C A P P A S T T R I E S on Instagram. Bake sales every month, and I sell cookies and cakes. Follow me for all your baked needs. If there is something you would like me to bake for you, you can always DM me. I am your friendly local baker. Yeah, and I'm just very able to release, and it's been so healthy, and you should try it too you gotta allow yourself that. I just finished therapy, I was in it for a year, so I appreciate this conversation, either we keep it in the episode or not, but especially being first generation, There's something about not accepting your, painful or hurtful feelings. Where it's like, the amount of people who kind of push through the painful feelings because their parents were taught to do that, right? And it's just ingrained, right? Because they grew up during, they had their own struggles. So it was probably really hurtful for them to deal with their painful feelings. But the pain teaches us something, right? It teaches us what is really bothering us. If we are dealing with pain brushing over it, then we're not really being our best self, if we're ignoring those feelings. So I love how you said that we have to have space for it and also understand when and how to release it. You have to find ways that, help you release them. It's an individual thing, everybody will release differently, but it's important to find what's for you. Yeah. And you know what? It's so good that you talk about forgiving, because Unforgiveness is like one of the worst, it will make your heart sick, it'll make you bitter, it'll make you resentful, it'll make you age faster, like there's so many things that unforgiveness does to you, internal and external, so it's a really good trait, honestly, to be able to forgive and not let those things linger, really. I just find it so interesting that I was just like, Let me get an ounce of unforgiveness, but it's like I should talking about embracing yourself, like I had to learn to accept the fact that I'm just a forgiving person and I'm able to move things and it's okay. That's just how I am. And I remain true to myself in that way. And it just it doesn't affect me I don't take things personal. I'm like they're just having a hard time with something or, I just, it just bounces right off of me. I guess I'm pretty grateful for that now that like we're, I'm saying it out loud. Yes. It's like, when you're, as you're talking, it makes me think about, it's because you're very understanding, and very giving. So that's probably where you can't harbor unforgiveness, yes. Very much good. We're moving on from gentleness. It's easy to get overwhelmed. And to get distracted. So what advice would you give to others to not get off track or discouraged? So for me personally, like I said, everybody's journey is going to be different because it's to whatever you want to make time for or how you want to live your life, it's everybody wants to do it differently. And for me, something that's really helped me as the gym having that. outlet of being able to work out and kind of release. I don't know I can have the most stressful day at work and then I look for, I look forward to going to the gym every day. I don't find, yeah, I don't find it as oh, I have to go to the gym. What a drag it's never a drag for me. I'm always excited, more so I can't wait to get there, and it's just something that I've built for myself and I've always gone to the gym, but not as consistently as I have, I'm going on two years and a half consistently going every day. And it's incredible, like the changes it and the impact it has on you because now in my 30s, I'm even better than I was in my 20s, and it's just, it's great to see, and, you hold that power to make that change, and it's just nice to see the fruition of your hard work, so it's a really good outlet that's helped me in various ways because I also eat healthy, I, I do it for the healthy lifestyle. Not so much for, obviously I have my goals of how I want to look or whatever, but it's not essentially the main reason I'm going and I will get there when I get there. It's like a very slow progress thing for me. And I'm not trying to do it overnight because this is like a lifestyle for me rather than something of the moment. Just really finding something that helps you. Release that in a different I don't know. I know some people like to, go biking or some people like hiking whether, wherever you are at in your fitness journey, it's like, it can, sometimes it's outside of people's comfort zone. Working out with other people. I don't know, especially if you have like social anxiety or am I doing something right? Am I doing it wrong? And just the way gym culture tends to be nowadays. And one of the things I really enjoyed, I was telling you before we started recording, was seeing your fitness journey because it's more of a lifestyle and it seems like it's, you're really doing it for, edifying your body. And your life, long term, your mindset, all these things and staying true to who you are versus there's another side of going to the gym and using that as an outlet when it doesn't feel like an outlet feels like more of an obsession and can be also toxic. So I guess my question would be. For myself and also the audience, how does someone stay true to, cause there are so many benefits to working out and exercise. They talk about therapy and podcasts and books. And but with the way gym culture is now I can deter people from going right. And they ended up doing more solo activities versus finding friends in the gym that can help them out on their journey. So what advice would you give to folks who are probably stepping outside of their comfort zone when it comes to exercising? It's interesting that you bring that up because the gym is intimidating. I still remember the first couple of times that I was going, I would only use the elliptical. I was like, At least I made it to the gym. I could not use anything else other than the elliptical for 20 to 30 minutes and that was my workout. That's how I started and until I got a little bit more comfortable with going and I'm also a very observant person so I would just observe everything and take it all in and then repeat. And then little by little, I'm like, okay, I'm going to start doing like these machines or I also started following a program for from this, I don't know if you know him, but his name is the booty king. So I was like, I want to build a butt like that's like his whole thing. He has like program. And my friend actually got it, so she forwarded me the exercises. So then I started to do those exercises. It was just very simple stuff, with dumbbells, and I was just in one section of the gym, and I was only comfortable with working out in the girls part of the gym. And working through... That social anxiety of oh, they're, people are watching you, people are in there doing their own thing there. They're focused on themselves and they don't, they're not really watching you and what you do. Obviously, yeah, these videos where they record people, but that's just not something that you would see on the regular, people are actually. They're very helpful. They're very friendly. I have been grateful to build a very good gym community and I made a lot of friends at the gym from going every day and we go at the same time and they have also helped me with certain stuff that I was afraid. To, certain exercises I didn't want to perform because I was afraid that someone was going to see me doing it incorrectly. They guided me and showed me like, it's okay, and they don't, people don't care if you do it wrong, that's fine, then just do it until you do it right. And so basically, you need to allow yourself patience with it, because it's not something, like for me, that I'm socially awkward. Girl, me too. I just am. It just, it's not good. But, I've gotten so much better with it. And, really, keeping in mind that people are not there to watch you work out. They're there to work out. And, a lot of times we think, Because people are big and strong, they're not friendly, and they're some of the most friendliest people you like could ever come across. It's just just because they have big muscles and stuff, you would think they're intimidating, but allowing yourself the patience, consistency with it. It all comes to you naturally, eventually, but it's something that you have to do every day. Like it's something that it'll grow out of you Because I remember I got to a point where the dumbbells weren't heavy anymore and I had made progress to, where I needed to move out of this little area that I would only work out at. I was like, I need to go find the barbells. I need to go find, the bigger machines and that I know there's more people over there and just doing it and then when you do it you realize that yeah nobody is watching me everybody's so focused on themselves nobody cares like what you're doing and you always want to start with a small weight so you can get your form right and you don't injure yourself and I think it ties into Being able to. Be free with yourself in a room full of strangers. Oof! Yeah it's just it's okay. We're all strangers, we're all there for a purpose. We're all trying to get better. It goes back to being gentle with yourself, too. Allowing yourself to make mistakes, allowing yourself to fail, and doing an exercise and then just getting back up and trying it again until you get it right. I love that because It's so relatable relatable for me, and I know it's gonna be relatable for others because, I've talked to folks and they're like, oh, the gym is intimidating, or they stop going, or like you said, they're in pockets of places wherever they feel comfortable, and they feel self conscious for being in that pocket. We're in that section of the gym. But like you said you outgrow you outgrow one, the mindset of being uncomfortable in those places and it accepting where you are. And you also outgrow the spaces that you're in. And with that, you had said something, it was so good. Yeah, being yourself around others. Right around strangers. And I think it goes back to being authentic, right? With yourself and the self love. I love this. Wow. Okay. Anything else on this topic before we bring it home? So with this, it just reminds me too, of that point of comparing because we are going to the, to the gym and then we might see somebody that, looks great. Obviously they're working out, they look great, but how long have they done it? You have to be very mindful that sometimes some of these people have been doing it for six years, some people have been doing it for five months, like we're each in a different place. So just not letting that affect you and not letting that get to your head. And realizing, once again, why you're there and that you will get there and being patient with yourself is just like very important to not feel down on yourself, and just encourage, it should encourage you, it should inspire you oh I want to be strong like her, one day I'm going to be strong too, or, it just, You build yourself up rather than bringing yourself down. Yeah, okay, we missed a part. Let's talk about that because in your preform, we talked about how using inspiration versus comparison. Yes, so I think that's very important because once again, like the whole social media thing, it's easy to compare ourselves to somebody else. It's just so easy at the, and Keeping in mind that everybody's goals are different is also important because also with my gym inspiration, I follow creators who are aligned with my values, who Are aligned with, in a sense a little bit, yeah, of what my goals are or who have a similar mindset because that's very, helpful in being inspiring and you don't really compare yourself to other people because. They encourage you to embrace yourself and become the best version of yourself, and you find ways to Create that you want so much Through like people who inspire you rather than using it as like I want to be them, Yeah, who you follow really matters you're seeing and what you're hearing will really dictate how you think and see yourself, right? And the standards that you're setting for yourself subconsciously. Which could be unrealistic. This is very true. I actually set myself up I believe it was this year I told myself I went on like a social media cleanse and I unfollowed accounts that I didn't feel like really sat well with me or I just didn't agree with what they were posting and It just, it just, it wasn't aligning with me, so I had to follow accounts and just do like a cleanse, because it's something that you're seeing, you're scrolling on there, so I'm obviously going to want to see things that I find relatable, or if someone's constantly like being negative, that's not something I really want to come across, every day, and it just, because it brings you down, and also just being mindful that we're seeing it on the regular So if you follow people who inspire you, you'll be inspired on the regular because they're posting stuff that is inspiring, how do you feel about the shift in social media? Cause you know how there's a shift now of people unfollowing what doesn't make sense to them anymore. And people are really sold on certain things and because it was trending. But now people are really going back to what is it that I want to get out of social media? And then like this de influencing culture. What are your thoughts on that? So I think it's cool. And I think that we need to Once again, remember like the four agreements and not take things personally because it's not always about you. I don't know, for example, for me I never take it personal if somebody unfollows me, they might not like what I post and that's fine with me. I don't internalize that. I just, it doesn't align with them. And that's okay. Yeah. And not making that really affect you in the sense where it reverts you from posting what you wanna post, or, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also I just, I like the fact that people are being able to tap into what their desires are and what they're aligned with is very good and it's healthy because, You want to be surrounded by stuff that inspires you and that brings you up and makes you feel good. I think it's important, especially we're on social media a lot more often than I'd like to admit, yeah, I actually had to do thank you for that. I had to put timers. So I only do 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night. And that's it, because it can be, one, addicting, two such a time suck. Such a time sag I could imagine if I didn't put limits on myself, you're just going to be endlessly scrolling, right? It's like you're looking for that next dopamine hit is what they talk about. Yep. So good. I feel like we could talk about social media and the effects of it. Just me and you for a while because I like the detox of it. I don't, I think that we have to regain control. Yeah. And I just think like I mentioned, a lot of times things are taken out of context or personally because somebody doesn't want to follow you or I don't know let's just use that example. And it's not really something you should allow to get in your head because it's not such a big deal, I talked about this before we recorded and I talked about the fear of rejection, I think it's common to have the fear of rejection in general. And especially growing up first generation, it's like you have to do everything right. Cause it feels like there's a lot at stake, right? Because our parents sacrificed so much and we're struggling so much. So there wasn't really room for mistakes and error. And being rejected from like a, for me personally, from a program or for school or from like opportunities, I guess you could say. I like how you bring that up to not take things personal, the rejection personal. It's so key not to take rejection personal, especially when you are at work pursuing a passion project, being an entrepreneur on your personal goals. Like it's so important not to take rejection and harbor it. So actually the whole accepting that rejection and not taking things personally, it goes into that allowing yourself to feel these negative emotions because nobody likes to feel rejected. It's not a good feeling. It's something that I've had to work on myself because things are not personal. They're a lot, oftentimes less personal than you would think, but we just get. So second what did I do wrong? What did so it's something that like I had to work on and it's It goes with allowing yourself that space, and then being able to release it, and just not make it about yourself. And you have to remind yourself that it's okay for people to disagree with you. It's okay to be rejected. That is part of life, not everything is gonna turn out how you want it. Not everything is gonna, it's just, life is not that way. So you can't live life. Sugarcoating everything, you really just have to see the reality of things and sometimes the reality is rejection and learning to Accept that it's okay. Like it's not the end of the world and For example, someone may not like my cookies and that's okay I don't take it personal just because that one person doesn't like it doesn't mean my cookies are not good Just that one person didn't happen to like my cookies obviously, I'm like bummed about it, but it's not something that I allow to, now I'm just gonna go create a whole new recipe because that one person, it just, it's not realistic. I love that you touched on that because that, if you took that personally, then that would change. You're intentionality behind things because you'd be doing it to please people. So good. Ah, I would love a part two, Jennifer. But I know I want to be mindful of time. So you talked about so much, talked about a lot of building habits, staying true to yourself, being authentic, original. Breaking through rejection, perfectionism, being patient, consistent. You talk also a lot about correlations in comparison and how that can, comparison can affect every facet of your life, if you let it. Personal goals, your professional goals, your entrepreneur goals. And you touched upon a lot and you gave two great book recommendations. And it was really encouraging you talk about the self love aspect with tying it into your goals. And letting, if you're true to your self love and true to yourself, then you can fight through the distractions, you can fight through the discouragement, you can fight through all of the negative feelings that you might have when you're going outside of your comfort zone. Is there any last piece of advice you would like to give others in this season of pursuing their goals, revisiting their goals and, building or rebuilding, come back season? What last step, piece of advice would you share? I would just like to reiterate the fact that you have to really. Dig deeper and find yourself and really embrace those deep parts of you, even the ones that you, I don't know, want to say you're ashamed of or you just have to really learn to embrace yourself as a whole. And keep in mind that when you're trying to build discipline that you have Design an environment that works for you because ultimately it's about you and just keeping in mind that you matter and. You want to be consistent, and you want to work on habit stacking. So it's just, habit stacking is building little habits at a time. It's like that, once again, that like 1%, because it adds up, that 1%, you do it every day. And next thing you're like 50 percent better. It's just really being... Gentle with yourself, being able to accept mistakes, being able to roll with the punches, being able to give yourself that pat on the back when you've done a great job. Even when you haven't done a great job, you did it and only you know what you are going through and you'll get through and you like it. I can't say it enough. When you're true to yourself and you're authentic with yourself, it's easier because you're not trying to do it for somebody else. You're not trying to please anybody else. You're doing it for yourself and it's just easier to remain true to yourself because it comes so naturally because it's who you are. Yeah. So just really embracing yourself as a whole and allowing yourself that space. To have that self love and it is about putting in that hard work, but without self love You can't really get far Amen Yes, I totally agree I loved all of that and i'm so happy that you decided to come on And that you shared and that I don't know, I feel like you're kindred spirit just, I don't know, it's just something about maybe it's also have growing up in the same environment and Salinas and those struggles. It's hard to find folks that have the same background, especially when you move other places, you're like, oh, city people are different, yeah, honestly, though, throughout my journey, I will say that your podcast has helped me in ways that you don't even know, like in times where I felt like I needed to hear something the most, I heard it through your podcast, and it's just really nice to see where you are. And, I'm really happy to for your platform. And it's just amazing. And I'm happy. I couldn't be happier to be here. It's really an honor. Oh, it's an honor to have you and I hope to have you back I love the, I'm on this authenticity originality kick right now. Because I've, I've suffered through that and I struggled with that. So I love that we can have this conversation. It's helping encourage me. That makes me happy because, honestly it's really helpful when you find someone that's relatable because it makes you feel like you're not alone. So it's, yeah, it's like a hug. Oh, yes, it is like a hug. Alright, so I want to do a quick little game. I'm just going to rattle a few things off and you can pick one that resonates with you the most. So when you are planning. Doing your to do list. Do you like it over notes on your phone or notes pen to paper? I'm old school. I'm pen, paper, but I just, I can't for the life of me, get on the notes train. Okay. All when you are communicating business, personal or work related, text, email or DM? DM and text work best for me. Okay. I feel like I'm old because I still email and I'm trying to Do the texting or DMing more. Alright. Instagram or TikTok? I like them both for very different reasons. They're very different platforms. To me, you might think they're the same, but I think they're very different. And also, the people on there are different. So just but if I had to pick one... Dang, that's a tough one. I really like TikTok. I'm gonna say TikTok. Okay. The functionality's better, or the people are better? Content. I just, the content, yeah. The content I find on there is just, I find some things that are really... Really good on there. Yes, and also I just feel like it's more yes, there's influencers on TikTok, but Instagram, I just feel like it's influencer concentrated, and it's just like these very It's monopolized. Yeah, and I just feel like it just focuses a lot on being perfect. Or just, I don't think it's very authentic. That's my biggest thing. Okay. I can see that. For sure. When you need a rest day, do you take a walk or do you take a nap? Oh girl, I do both. I'm very I am an avid supporter of rest, and being very mindful of when like your mind needs rest, because That is something I've worked on this year. So there's times where I need a nap. I listen to my body. So to answer your question, I listen to what my body needs. If I need a nap, I'll take a nap. If I want to be outdoors and take a long walk, I'll go do the long walk. And that like just makes me feel so good. And I feel accomplished because I gave into what I was feeling at the moment, which was listening to my body. So good. Yes, that was the game. I loved it. Thank you so much, Jennifer, for blessing us today on this podcast. I cannot wait. I love that I get to witness your journey, and I feel really encouraged to even know a little bit more about your journey, personally when you're sharing therapy. Maybe that's why I feel like you're a kindred spirit. Because that's super It's bold, to, to share those things, but when you take a step of boldness, you see who else is out there that you can connect with. And so I really appreciate your time being authentic, being vulnerable, and just having the best intentions coming on here and sharing your journey. I can't wait to have you back. I think that. Sharing my experience can help others. I too have my struggles. I too have not had the best days and finding ways to cope and deal with what life hits you with is, has been a journey in itself and I've just, Learn to embrace like I said all parts of it. So I Would love nothing more than to share that and if it helps someone that just makes me really happy Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Thank you so much for listening. We hope that you can share this podcast with a friend And we'll see you next time. So if you have a sweet tooth, feel free to follow me at NoCapPastries. That's N O C A P P A S T T R I E S on Instagram. Bake sales every month, and I sell cookies and cakes. Follow me for all your baked needs. If there is something you would like me to bake for you, you can always DM me. I am your friendly local baker.